


love, i know

by sekaiana



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: AU, Countdown AU, M/M, Original Character(s), Pre-Game Oma Kokichi, Pre-Game Personalities (New Dangan Ronpa V3), Pre-Game Saihara Shuichi, Stalking, i hate self inserts, no editing here bitch i aint no pussy ass bitch, the only original charas are shuichi's aunt and uncle LMAO, uwu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:27:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22901695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sekaiana/pseuds/sekaiana
Summary: shuichi loved him. he loved him. he loved him.trust me.
Relationships: Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 10
Kudos: 80





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> ➸ au; there is a countdown displayed above your head. it ticks down the time until your inevitable death.  
> there is a way to gain time, however. if you kill someone, you gain the time they had left.  
> you can only kill those you love, though.  
> love is timeless.
> 
> [ MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING ]  
> content includes :  
> \- adult death  
> \- stalking  
> \- gore  
> \- horrific themes  
> \- possible psychosis, depending on how you view the story (i did not write this with the intent of portraying any mental illnesses!!)  
> \- bad grammar

Shuichi hadn’t been raised.. _Lovingly._

He was given a (mostly) proper home. Two parents, steady supply of food, a roof over his head, decent income. He was set and ready for survival. It wasn’t like he was truly suffering, financially speaking.

His only struggle was affection.

A naturally quiet boy, he was. He wasn’t one to ever be extroverted, rarely speaking unless needed to. He was always rather reserved.

Shuichi wasn’t _scared_ of speaking. Oh no. He just simply never felt like talking. He was his own company--and that was plenty suitable for him. He was interesting enough. His insights were far more detailed and enjoyable. He would had vivid conversations, debates. Arguments. Only with himself! He always had the upper hand, and could talk himself through things easily. Why would he need anyone else?

_“Shu,”_ his aunt had begun, kneeling down to the young boy’s level. He wasn’t too tall, only being around eight years old. _“What’s wrong, my dear? You can always speak to us.”_

He appreciated the offer. His response was, as unfortunately expected, a light hug. She had sighed into his shoulder, brushing his dark hair down with her nails, a gentle and caring touch he wouldn’t receive from anyone else. 

Ayano Saihara. A relatively strong lady, caring and sweet. She was Shuichi’s safe point for so long.

Ayano hadn’t a single clue why Shuichi seemed to refuse to talk. It was too early for any phases, and she prayed he wasn’t bullied or abused. He was.. a quiet boy. That’s all. And plus, he was still plenty affectionate to her!

Shuichi loved Ayano. She was the only one who he felt comfortable with. She would have conversations with him that she carried with ease, and he rewarded her by nodding along once in a while to show he was listening. It was comfortable- _he_ was comfortable. She was his favourite person, honestly. That woman made him feel loved. He lacked love, these days.

Which is why it hurt him so badly when she passed.

He remembered being in and out of the hospital. It wasn’t multiple times. It was simply once. He got a quick visit on her deathbed. She was attached to wires and tubes galore- the image engraving its mark into young Shuichi’s head.

He felt empty.

* * *

_“Ayano!” his uncle called out. Hisoka, a man of mystery. Okay, that was a lie. He was merely a detective- and a rather good one at that! He was the finest in the field._  
  


_Okay, another lie. But he certainly was good, and was high up there._

_Hisoka held Shuichi’s hand, the young boy, approximately nine or ten, raising his free hand over his eyes to shield himself from the bright summer sun. The air was warm. Comforting. Shuichi breathed in softly, reaching down the best he could to pick up a fluffy white dandelion._

_He blew, gray eyes following the soft petals as the breeze carried them along._

_Across the road stood Ayano herself, kneeled down towards a stray cat. The tabby took great caution in pawing the treat from her hand, snatching it up before bouncing to a safe distance as she smiled at it. “Shush, Hisoka!” she called back, tilting her head so her husband could hear without scaring the stray. “You’ll scare it.”_

_“You’re hopeless..” he chuckled, giving Shuichi’s hand a small tug. The boy followed suit._

_They started walking towards the road._

_A fluffy gray kitty meowed up at Hisoka, purring the closer they got. Shuichi smiled at it--what a friendly little thing!_

_A walk was exactly what the Saiharas needed. They had made their way down to a beach after packing up the car. They walked along the cliff edge above the beach, watching the waves splash and move with quiet admiration. Icecream was next--the beach was popular and had a few stands here and there--before they had followed a trail to a meadow. It was a wonderfully sunny day. Ayano’s and Shuichi’s favourite type of weather._

_Hisoka preferred dark days._

_There was a lot of mystery in them!_

_Shuichi smiled at the cat, who pushed up against Hisoka’s leg with a rumbling purr. “...Shadow.”_

_“Shadow?” his uncle repeated. Generic, he mused as he stroked the little cat’s back with the back of his hand, but it was good. Fitting. “Shadow it is.”_

_“This one is.. umm…. Tangerine, then!” she called, giggling as she stood up. “You aren’t exactly quiet, my love!”_

_“Oh hush it. Come back here and let’s head to dinner, okay?” he replied, Shadow resting at his heel. Maybe they would take him home with them._

_She nodded._

_Ayano smiled at her husband and nephew._

_“But it’s so wonderful here!”_

_vrrrrrrr_

_Shuichi looked around. What was that buzz?_

_Oh, just a car. He could see the headlights down the road._

_Ayano didn’t, though._

_Shadow stood up, trotting towards the road- towards Ayano._

_Hisoka followed suit. Shuichi didn’t._

_He stood still, only stumbling after once he had to start physically moving so he wouldn’t trip._

_His aunt turned, tossing some more food towards Tangerine, who only darted off back to their safe spot with the new catch._

_It took Shuichi all his might to not keel over._

_What was this sudden excruciating pain?_

_“I’m feeling like pizza. It sounds good today. Pizza and a big, tall glass of water. What do you say, buddy?” Hisoka asked. Speaking into thin air._

_Shuichi’s stomach felt full of piercing pins and needles. He wanted to vomit._

_The buzz got louder as Shuichi caught up._

_Ayano stepped forward._

_Onto the road._

_Shadow raised his tail, his hackles._

_Hisoka smiled at his beautiful, stunning wife, who was on her way towards them._

_Halfway there._

_The noise became deafening to the child._

_Shadow took off west of the family._

_Shuichi’s eyes widened. He opened his mouth to scream. He didn’t even have the time to beat the car to letting out a shriek. Gasp. Any noise at all._

_Ayano had time to look left._

_oops._


	2. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw ; emetophobia at the end, funerals, alot of talk about death, mentions of car accidents, and disfigurement
> 
> stay safe, everyone <3

Ah.

With solemn eyes, far too empty for a child, Shuichi stared at the tombstone. 

_Saihara Ayano_

_1970-2008_

_A wonderful wife, aunt, friend, and person above all_

* * *

_Shuichi was holding onto Hisoka’s arm, head tilted to the side as his eyes followed the mixture of glossy and dull dress shoes. The boy blinked._

Why do people clean their shoes so well? _He wondered, feeling his upper body be pulled forward while his legs stayed planted. Hisoka was moving._ Did Ayano like clean shoes? She was always telling him to not track mud in the house.

* * *

Shuichi yawned, leaning his little body against his uncle’s arm. His feet dangled off the church pew as family one by one made speeches. 

The mic had too much feedback. It was loud. His head hurt.

“Shu, bud,” Hisoka murmured, moving his arm back and forth, almost clock-like. “Stay awake please.”

He nodded, drawing a fist up to rub his eyes. It had been a long day. Could they go home now? He didn’t want to be here anymore. He was tired. So, so tired. Why couldn’t it be over already?

Shuichi was almost angry. Why did he have to sit through this? He could go home. The adults would stay and Shuichi would be back in bed asleep. The frustration almost made him cry. He felt his eyes burn as he kneaded his fist into his leg, fingers tightening into a fist. His vision became blurry, blinking quick to keep them down.

He felt his uncle’s arm wrap around his shoulders. Pulling the boy in.

This was unfair. He wanted a nap.

* * *

speeches ended

they were moving again

shuichi allowed himself to be dragged off

once more to stand simply in a line

he looked at each hand he had to shake,

stood between his uncle and father

it had been a while since he’s seen his father

and a first meeting to the countless people he

saw that day

* * *

Shuichi Saihara was eight years old. He had been on this earth for eight years. He has lived for eight years.

_eight.. seven.. six.._

It was a practice of memory and coping.

_five.._

It was a tactic Hisoka taught him.

Shuichi stared at the wooden casket. Ayano was in there. He wasn’t stupid--he knew she wasn’t here anymore. She was in there.

That’s what he was told.

It was death.

But that was okay. He knew what happened when you die. You didn’t come back.

But, that was only what he knew.

The impact hadn’t settled with him quite yet.

_four.._

Hisoka walked over to the casket, leaning over to peer in. Shuichi watched his face, careful eyes taking in every bit.

The pain, the mild anger, the hopelessness. All of it.

He watched as his uncle’s eyes became glassy.

That was weird. Hisoka didn’t cry.

It was Shuichi’s turn.

_three.._

He clambered onto a box placed in front of the casket for himself and the other kids to stand on. It helped them see what they shouldn’t have.

_two.._

Shuichi peered in. The fingers he was squeezing during his countdown stilled.

_one_

This was the first real look he had at her face.

* * *

_he wished he hadn’t looked_

_he wished he hadn’t looked_

_he wished he hadn’t looked_

_he wished he hadn’t looked_

_he wished he hadn’t looked_

_he wished he hadn’t looked_

_he wished he hadn’t looked_

_he wished he hadn’t looked_

* * *

Ayano’s eyes were shut, her face still.

What was left, at least.

Props to the funeral directors for reattaching her so well.

Her face was torn, skin re-pieced with obvious tender care. Skin discoloured and scrubbed of dried blood that tinted patches of her skin. 

_Why did they leave the casket open?_

Shuichi’s limbs were frozen. Like he was locked to the sight.

He felt his stomach start to churn. His eyes were wider than usual, boring new holes into the patched up ones.

A lady with a gentle touch lifted Shuichi off the box. She balanced him on her hip, one arm under him, the other petting his hair as she pushed his face into her shoulder. She shushed him, carrying him off as Shuichi tried to force his mind off Ayano.

He let himself be carried, too numb to move. Murmurs surrounded him, some quiet sniffles and restrained sobs like white noise.

She kept moving, presumably to a group of people. He caught her whisper.

“Why did you let the children see?”

His body temperature dropped to the negatives.

He wiggled in her hold, sliding down until he was half-dropped onto the ground before darting left--to the washrooms.

He stumbled in, throwing open a stall door mere moments before his breakfast reformed in the toilet bowl. He ignored the sharp pain in his knees when they hit tile.

His throat burned. His eyes did, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello ! welcome 2 the end notes LOL how are u all !! ^v^ sorry this chapter is dark !! i'm just writin as i want ;-; and sorry for the lack of updates hehe also it was my birthday a while ago so i'm 16 now hell yeaz uwu
> 
> anyways, i tried to portray shuichi knowing what death is, but not having the capabilities to process it! he knows what death is and vaguely how it happens, but do to being a child, he isn't reacting as strongly as an adult would. during the crying scene he has, he's confused to why he's being dragged through all this. baby boy wants a nap and doesn't understand the severity of the situation. i tried taking inspiration off of the funerals i went to and making them quite dramatic. i haven't been to a funeral service since i was around 7/8 or so, so i apologize for it being clumsy and messy ^^; have a lovely day! <333

**Author's Note:**

> ily all! thx 4 reading (〃 ω 〃)


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